Crazy cat lady musings: There’s either a lizard or a liar in the house

Crazy Cat Lady versus The Cat

I was writing peaceably at my desk (honest), and that is when I heard the noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap.

It was kind of hard for me to ignore, since it was happening right next to me. It was my cat Thai-Thai, pawing at her basket of toys.

At first, I thought it was part of her daily attempt to turn me into a crazy cat lady. But then I thought some more: There have only been two other times in recent memory that Thai has done this. And both times it is because she has trapped a lizard in her toy basket and she wants to torture him and leave his corpse for me to clean up. I am actually thankful for this service, because Thai is mostly retired, and she takes on these lizard projects on an ad hoc basis.

But, she has stopped thwapping, and I am afraid she is losing interest. So, I get my brave facThai looks innocently at the crazy cat ladye on (I hate lizards – they are just snakes with feet) and grab a cup from the kitchen to trap the lizard and fling it out into the yard. (I have done this before, but not enough times to make an all-star lizard catch-and-release sports team.) I dump her basket of toys over really quickly and scan the area, ready to capture.

And, no lizard.

So, I clean up the mess and put the cup away in the kitchen. When I return, Thai is sitting on my desk! Fuzzing up my keyboard! She is SMIRKING at me!

I shoo her away.

About 30 minutes later, some religious people ring my doorbell. Against my better judgement, I answer my door. They want to give me a tract about the battle for my soul. I tell them that they are interrupting an epic battle that I am having with my cat over the right to work at my desk and they should RUN and save themselves. (I’m not really not that kind of crazy cat lady, so I don’t really say that, but I ask them nicely to go away.)

When I return to my desk, Thai is seated on my chair. I shoo her out of it.

I start to write again, and there is that noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap..

This is why I am a crazy cat lady.

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