Tag Archives: Crazy Cat Lady

Crazy cat lady musings: There’s either a lizard or a liar in the house

Crazy Cat Lady versus The Cat

I was writing peaceably at my desk (honest), and that is when I heard the noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap.

It was kind of hard for me to ignore, since it was happening right next to me. It was my cat Thai-Thai, pawing at her basket of toys.

At first, I thought it was part of her daily attempt to turn me into a crazy cat lady. But then I thought some more: There have only been two other times in recent memory that Thai has done this. And both times it is because she has trapped a lizard in her toy basket and she wants to torture him and leave his corpse for me to clean up. I am actually thankful for this service, because Thai is mostly retired, and she takes on these lizard projects on an ad hoc basis.

But, she has stopped thwapping, and I am afraid she is losing interest. So, I get my brave facThai looks innocently at the crazy cat ladye on (I hate lizards – they are just snakes with feet) and grab a cup from the kitchen to trap the lizard and fling it out into the yard. (I have done this before, but not enough times to make an all-star lizard catch-and-release sports team.) I dump her basket of toys over really quickly and scan the area, ready to capture.

And, no lizard.

So, I clean up the mess and put the cup away in the kitchen. When I return, Thai is sitting on my desk! Fuzzing up my keyboard! She is SMIRKING at me!

I shoo her away.

About 30 minutes later, some religious people ring my doorbell. Against my better judgement, I answer my door. They want to give me a tract about the battle for my soul. I tell them that they are interrupting an epic battle that I am having with my cat over the right to work at my desk and they should RUN and save themselves. (I’m not really not that kind of crazy cat lady, so I don’t really say that, but I ask them nicely to go away.)

When I return to my desk, Thai is seated on my chair. I shoo her out of it.

I start to write again, and there is that noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap..

This is why I am a crazy cat lady.

Cat 1: Crazy Cat Lady: 0

Thai looks innocently at the crazy cat ladyThe Crazy Cat Lady is losing the war.

I record my podcasts at my desk, which¬† is in a corner of the living room with easy access to the kitchen. My sweetie of a cat, Thai-Thai, has a six-foot cat tree that is right beside my desk, but because she is 12 years old, she doesn’t climb it much anymore. She has been retired from all official cat duties (bug chasing, critter killing, nightly patrols) for the past few years, so she spends most of her days asleep in the sunshine until her body has reached the approximate heat of a middle-aged star.

I am an old crazy cat lady at heart and I’m used to her presence: She wakes me at 5 am every day for breakfast (she is on a diet and not happy about it). She plays with the shower curtain while I get ready for the day (seriously, get out of the tub – you are a cat!). She follows me around the house as I do chores, waiting for me to stop moving so she can nap near me again. When I haven’t seen her in a little while, I think something is wrong and go looking for her. She sleeps by my feet whenever I sit at my desk. I love my little shadow.

But for my podcasts, the cat needs to go.

Mostly because she snores. Loudly, or at least loud enough for my microphone to pick it up. And it’s not a sound I can edit out. So whenever I want to record, I pick her up, put her on her cat bed in the other room (in the sunshine) and start to record. By the time I’m done, she has usually found her way back to my side and is snoring again (somehow louder than before). I repeat this process, because I’m a crazy cat lady and I think it might work. It doesn’t.

So, in the background of several of my podcasts, there is a slow, soft snoring noise. It’s my cat. She wants to be a part of this. The crazy cat lady has given up. She wins.