Category Archives: Distractions

Crazy cat lady musings: There’s either a lizard or a liar in the house

Crazy Cat Lady versus The Cat

I was writing peaceably at my desk (honest), and that is when I heard the noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap.

It was kind of hard for me to ignore, since it was happening right next to me. It was my cat Thai-Thai, pawing at her basket of toys.

At first, I thought it was part of her daily attempt to turn me into a crazy cat lady. But then I thought some more: There have only been two other times in recent memory that Thai has done this. And both times it is because she has trapped a lizard in her toy basket and she wants to torture him and leave his corpse for me to clean up. I am actually thankful for this service, because Thai is mostly retired, and she takes on these lizard projects on an ad hoc basis.

But, she has stopped thwapping, and I am afraid she is losing interest. So, I get my brave facThai looks innocently at the crazy cat ladye on (I hate lizards – they are just snakes with feet) and grab a cup from the kitchen to trap the lizard and fling it out into the yard. (I have done this before, but not enough times to make an all-star lizard catch-and-release sports team.) I dump her basket of toys over really quickly and scan the area, ready to capture.

And, no lizard.

So, I clean up the mess and put the cup away in the kitchen. When I return, Thai is sitting on my desk! Fuzzing up my keyboard! She is SMIRKING at me!

I shoo her away.

About 30 minutes later, some religious people ring my doorbell. Against my better judgement, I answer my door. They want to give me a tract about the battle for my soul. I tell them that they are interrupting an epic battle that I am having with my cat over the right to work at my desk and they should RUN and save themselves. (I’m not really not that kind of crazy cat lady, so I don’t really say that, but I ask them nicely to go away.)

When I return to my desk, Thai is seated on my chair. I shoo her out of it.

I start to write again, and there is that noise: Thwap, thwap, thwap..

This is why I am a crazy cat lady.

Writers block or All your sunshine belongs to us!

writers block is when writing is just out of reachSo, today, my cat Thai-Thai was resisting all of my relocation efforts so that I could record my podcast without her snoring in the background. It’s bad enough she causes writers block. Now this.

The problem is that the sunshine is all located in the back of the house near my desk, and when I tried to move her, she came back to her spot, plopped her butt back in the sunshine and glared at me with a defiant look of “all your sunshine belongs to us” on her face.

I decided that I really didn’t want to hear her wheezing in the background and moved her again. She came back. (I have no problems writers block and my stories, just my kitty cat.)

I texted my problem to my husband, but he only came up with the solution of “you could record elsewhere.” No! I told him. And that is when I declared war. On my cat.

At first I threatened her with the removal of the vacuum cleaner from the closet. She is a pretty smart cat and knows the phrase “vacuum cleaner,” but she is also a typical cat in that she believes our vacuum cleaner is a monster whose sole purpose is sucking out her soul. Showing her who was the boss, I removed the vacuum from the closet, but she stood her ground. She stared at the vacuum cleaner and then at me – calling my bluff because she knows I cannot run the vacuum and record a story at the same time.

I texted all of this to my husband, with no response from him. Guess he was in a meeting, because there is no way he would ignore a battle of this magnitude.

Eventually I bribed her with some treats (she is on a diet and will do anything for extra food). Future note: Her price is four cat treats.

VICTORY IS MINE! I texted my husband. (I am sure he was happy for me. See? I have no writers block issues over text.)

But, no. I celebrated too soon. I used the restroom and when I got back, Thai was sitting on my desk! DIABOLICAL! She was quite pleased with herself, purring loudly and fuzzing up my keyboard.

Well, played, Thai. Well played.

If nothing else, she is a good solution for writers block. What do you use to solve your blocks?

Cat 1: Crazy Cat Lady: 0

Thai looks innocently at the crazy cat ladyThe Crazy Cat Lady is losing the war.

I record my podcasts at my desk, which¬† is in a corner of the living room with easy access to the kitchen. My sweetie of a cat, Thai-Thai, has a six-foot cat tree that is right beside my desk, but because she is 12 years old, she doesn’t climb it much anymore. She has been retired from all official cat duties (bug chasing, critter killing, nightly patrols) for the past few years, so she spends most of her days asleep in the sunshine until her body has reached the approximate heat of a middle-aged star.

I am an old crazy cat lady at heart and I’m used to her presence: She wakes me at 5 am every day for breakfast (she is on a diet and not happy about it). She plays with the shower curtain while I get ready for the day (seriously, get out of the tub – you are a cat!). She follows me around the house as I do chores, waiting for me to stop moving so she can nap near me again. When I haven’t seen her in a little while, I think something is wrong and go looking for her. She sleeps by my feet whenever I sit at my desk. I love my little shadow.

But for my podcasts, the cat needs to go.

Mostly because she snores. Loudly, or at least loud enough for my microphone to pick it up. And it’s not a sound I can edit out. So whenever I want to record, I pick her up, put her on her cat bed in the other room (in the sunshine) and start to record. By the time I’m done, she has usually found her way back to my side and is snoring again (somehow louder than before). I repeat this process, because I’m a crazy cat lady and I think it might work. It doesn’t.

So, in the background of several of my podcasts, there is a slow, soft snoring noise. It’s my cat. She wants to be a part of this. The crazy cat lady has given up. She wins.